These are honest reflections from the middle of the storm — the moments that broke me, changed me, and slowly taught me how to live differently. Not written from the finish line, but from the path itself.
Complete Remission. Now What?
Since the end of June, I have officially been in complete remission, which basically means that right now, no cancer can be seen on any scans. At the beginning of July, I started maintenance treatment, which I am still getting used to. I haven’t posted an update all summer, so I guess I should start…
Cancer Is Losing… For Now
“Your blood tests still aren’t looking great. You’re right on the edge,” my oncologist greeted me. I sighed. It had already been about seven weeks since my last chemotherapy session, and my blood still hadn’t recovered. My red blood cells were finally doing better, but my white blood cells were still causing problems. Sleep, exercise,…
The Shadow Will Remain…
My chemotherapy ended unexpectedly because my bone marrow simply couldn’t keep up anymore. Last time, I admitted that I wasn’t taking it very well, but I didn’t tell you the main reason why. I’ve been through two major surgeries. During the first one, they removed my right ovary, the largest tumour, and took a good…
Cancer, Stairs, and Other Endurance Sports
Today I arrived at the oncology clinic as the third person in line. Many people travel here from nearby towns and some from much farther away. I have no idea what time they have to get up. My alarm goes off at 5:45, which is manageable since I only have a few tram stops to…
So This Is Menopause
I mentioned before that the fatigue from repeated rounds of chemotherapy has started to build up. I’m still recovering from my last surgery, and my abdominal muscles occasionally remind me that they’re not quite happy yet. I’m not even ready for light resistance bands at this point. So whenever I’m not sick, I walk. And…
I’m Lucky
After my surgery, I entered surgical menopause overnight. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am—and they’re right. I know I am. But alongside the gratitude came a sadness I hadn’t allowed myself to touch for a very long time. In addition to my appendix, the tumor, and part of my peritoneum, the surgeons also…
Back in Hospital Because of a Dietary Mistake
Everything was going beautifully until that fateful evening when I got very hungry and the only thing within reach was a couple of innocent-looking apples. My recovery had actually been going remarkably well—much better than after my first surgery. Last time, my lower back hurt constantly. I spent hours with a hot water bottle pressed…
I’m Out of Surgery!
This was my second major surgery in five months. It was planned. We knew it was coming. Even so, I think it will take me a while to fully process what it all means for my body. BUT… We’re one big step closer to getting rid of this thing. The first thing I remember is…
The Day Before Surgery
The day before surgery is mostly about tests. And waiting. The waiting is the worst part. You know it’s happening. The paperwork is signed. There’s no backing out now. And yet you still don’t know exactly what’s coming next. On Tuesday morning, I arrived at the hospital for admission. They registered me in two different…
Cancer Treatment Is Unpredictable
One of the things that comes with this diagnosis is the inability to make plans too far into the future. During chemotherapy, you can sort of plan from one treatment cycle to the next. Anything beyond that? Better not get too attached to the idea. My oncologist reviewed my PET scans and told me that…
Does Chemotherapy Hurt?
My fellow chemo “colleagues” already know the answer, but every now and then someone asks me what chemotherapy is actually like and whether it hurts. One person imagined a giant machine that would suck me in, pump me full of drugs, and send me back out again. Someone else thought the pain started the very…
Exercising During Chemotherapy
Almost every day, there comes a moment when my body simply switches off. It refuses to cooperate and demands rest. More sleep doesn’t help. A nap doesn’t help. Sometimes nothing helps. It’s something I’m learning to accept, but very slowly. Back when I was training seriously, there were times when I’d miss a week because…
Do We Cause Our Own Cancer?
From the day we’re born, we’re all playing a game of Old Maid with life. The way we live and the environment around us may increase the odds, but in the end, nobody gets to choose the cards they’re dealt. Over the past few months, I’ve spent a lot of time reading, researching, and discussing…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.